The Bleak Return to Reality...plus Reflections
It's been about 12 hours since we all left that wonderful place.
My life right now feels so empty inside. I'm all lonely. And my throat hurts.
I've made some of my best friends here, friends who I hope to keep in touch with for a long time to come. There are so many interesting people here...people I never would have dreamed of meeting anywhere else. In comparison, a lot of my friends back in the Big Easy seem so...lame. (Of course, they didn't hear that out of MY mouth.)
July 19 was a day that I had been continually dreading. If I could control time, I would replay these two weeks over and over and over again...because I've never felt happier anywhere else. Back here, I've never really felt happy in the true sense of the word, because I've always felt like a loner. But at Firespark!, there's none of that...it was the one place I actually felt comfortable with being myself--to be a rebel, not a follower. I've never had that euphoria, that self-confidence anywhere else.
When I came my first year, I had just come off a really bad camp experience (the people there were absolute jerks, and the program itself sucked), so I figured "Anything will be better than that piece of sh--er, dreck..."
Turns out, Firespark! was MILES better than that piece of sh--er, dreck. (And that's probably understating it.)
After my second year, I truly understood what it meant to be a Survivor, and how much of a family the program is. I really came to know how great these people are, and how they could love me and I could love them so much. I hadn't felt love for years up to that point.
And, 12 hours ago, I cried for the first time in four years. I cried for the first time since my grandfather went upstairs. It was beautiful, really. I think it melted away the cold-hearted mask I had been wearing for God-knows-how-long. I feel human again. (I'll save that one for another entry.)
I cannot thank everyone enough for making this the best two weeks of my life. I hope to relive it again next year, and to all my friends, hope to see you around.
Keep that fire burning bright and hot!
My life right now feels so empty inside. I'm all lonely. And my throat hurts.
I've made some of my best friends here, friends who I hope to keep in touch with for a long time to come. There are so many interesting people here...people I never would have dreamed of meeting anywhere else. In comparison, a lot of my friends back in the Big Easy seem so...lame. (Of course, they didn't hear that out of MY mouth.)
July 19 was a day that I had been continually dreading. If I could control time, I would replay these two weeks over and over and over again...because I've never felt happier anywhere else. Back here, I've never really felt happy in the true sense of the word, because I've always felt like a loner. But at Firespark!, there's none of that...it was the one place I actually felt comfortable with being myself--to be a rebel, not a follower. I've never had that euphoria, that self-confidence anywhere else.
When I came my first year, I had just come off a really bad camp experience (the people there were absolute jerks, and the program itself sucked), so I figured "Anything will be better than that piece of sh--er, dreck..."
Turns out, Firespark! was MILES better than that piece of sh--er, dreck. (And that's probably understating it.)
After my second year, I truly understood what it meant to be a Survivor, and how much of a family the program is. I really came to know how great these people are, and how they could love me and I could love them so much. I hadn't felt love for years up to that point.
And, 12 hours ago, I cried for the first time in four years. I cried for the first time since my grandfather went upstairs. It was beautiful, really. I think it melted away the cold-hearted mask I had been wearing for God-knows-how-long. I feel human again. (I'll save that one for another entry.)
I cannot thank everyone enough for making this the best two weeks of my life. I hope to relive it again next year, and to all my friends, hope to see you around.
Keep that fire burning bright and hot!
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July 12th - July 25th, 2009
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